Difficulties in my Train of Thought

Whether or not any of the comments in this post are repeats of past posts, I feel the need to share them.

I feel that there is someone out there for me. I'd like to believe it's someone I've already met, already have talked to and know decently well. Personally, this would make the engagement of a new relationship easier and lessen the need of sharing my background, since she would already know some of it. Recently, I have thought about this. I have thought about some of the girls I already know.
     But I know how unlikely anything will ever happen with any of them. I feel like I have a certain label; something that's unattractive about me that a stranger wouldn't be able to pick up easily. I'm not a great looking guy, but physical attraction isn't the point I'm trying to make. There's something about me that people who know me don't like. I don't know what. I'm separated by an invisible force. An unknown quality.
     I want to know what one person thinks about me. Then I want to know what another person thinks. And another. What's in common?

And the basis of judging me shouldn't be dependent on what I've written online here. I am, I certainly am without a doubt, a different person (a different personality) between here and in person. I've discussed my lack of charisma before, but I know that's a huge factor in what people see of me. There's one of my big problems. I know this. I've been trying to fix it, but takes time.
     One trait about me that I don't see in others is my... direct, or blunt approach. I would best describe it as being honest has brought more bad than good. I'm honest. That should be a good thing. Nope, that's what ended my relationship.
     I wish other people would be more direct with me. I would greatly appreciate that! Keeping your comments to yourself is the opposite of what I want.

As much as I want to be with someone, a girl I know, I lack the confidence to overcome my past and start anew. I feel like I won't be accepted. So my hope is left in someone I haven't met yet. It's likely to be some time from now; not soon.

But recently I've enjoyed my time alone(ish). I don't have the responsibility of taking care of someone else. I get to be who I want to be. I shouldn't spoil that for myself. Time will tell.

I have mixed feelings. There's pros and cons for both.

I'm holding things in. I'll wait for a better time.