Some people, not too many as I would suppose, think/say that you are the music you listen to. If you've read all my previous posts, specifically the one about how the car I drive doesn't define me, then you'll be correct to assume that the music I listen to also doesn't define me. It entertains me, as does a car, or books, or math, or movies, and virtually anything else. I choose to listen to certain types of music, and it's the choices that define me, not the music itself.
With that out of the way, I recently made a mix-CD (because mix tapes are so retro these days) for someone that asked for some music. I feel like sharing this mix with you; not the files of music, but my choices. Of course, since it's a CD, the choices were very limited. So I went through my top-rated list in iTunes and grabbed the ones I wanted to share; the songs I think 1. express my kind of varied personality, and 2. most people ought to know/at least heard of. Here we go, finally:
Takin' Care of Business . . . . . . . . . . . . . . B.T.O.
Peace Frogs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Doors
Derezzed (The Glitch Mob Remix) . . . . . Daft Punk
Arlandria . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Foo Fighters
Unstoppable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Foxy Shazam
Sing Sing Sing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Glenn Miller
Always See Your Face . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Love
E.V.A (Fatboy Slim Remix) . . . . . . . . . . . Jean-Jaques Perry
Bring Me Down . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lenka
Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) . . . . Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
Rock Is Dead . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marilyn Manson
King Nothing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Metallica
Hyper Music . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Muse
Dignity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . New Politics
The Day The World Went Away . . . . . . . .Nine Inch Nails
Be Calm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fun.
Don't Ask Me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ok Go
No One Knows . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Queens of the Stone Age
Consoler Of The Lonely . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Raconteurs
Stray Cat Strut . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stray Cats
Escape (Bloody Beetroots Remix) . . . . . .The Toxic Avenger
There is sort of an order... If you listen to it, I think it works.
Just to be clear, I didn't say these are the best songs or my all-time favorite songs. But it's the collection that strikes close to home with me, in a rather loud way (they're meant to be played loud).
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I Feel Goood
It's partly because of the music I'm listening to, and now that I have finished my first precalc test. The song is Mr. Blue Sky by ELO, who if you haven't heard of/heard this song, it's fucking fantastic. I sang it in a video, a weather forecast I once put out. When I was still a part of West High News, the class I now teach, I made a forecast, because every news program should have a weather forecast. It had more entertainment value than factual value, but I did give accurate (I copied and averaged several weather sites) temperatures for the upcoming week. The entertainment came from the funky voice(s) I did, some of which were paired with a theme. One time, I decided to sing the beginning of the aforementioned song, due to its relation to the forecast. With the strange voice, it has become one of the few memorable videos, especially since my friends mock me when they hear it too. I don't mind, it's still funny.
I sit where I normally sit at this time of day, every Monday and Wednesday. I have over an hour break between classes and I don't have a car so I can't go home. I get a ride in the morning and take the bus home. My morning class is precalc, four days a week. We've learned three chapters in three weeks, and now, being the fourth, it's about time we had a test. I feel good about this one. Normally I struggle with the pressure of time, but that's usually do to my lack of knowledge on the problem at hand. It's a common problem in previous years of math, but today it went well. After the test, I was unsure about the last question, and when I reviewed my notes, I noticed I missed something, but it was a small part that didn't affect too much of the rest. I accept that, so I'm still proud that I did as well as I did with the rest.
After class I spilled/dropped my coffee thermos. There was some in it but it had a lid on so not much got out. Now there's a coffee stain in front of the new building, so in a good way, I have forever left my mark at this school.
That's certainly not going to ruin my day though. It's warm and getting warmer, and I like that. When I get a chance, I'll take a nap in the sun.
Last week I started a new project, a final project, in my TV/teaching class. But first, a little backstory: Every year in that class, the students are assigned a final video project that they must write, produce, film, and edit individually. That's a key word, because this year, that's what's changing. I pitched the idea to the teacher and he seemed to accept it rather quickly. Not instantaneous, considering he asked the class what they thought of this idea. They accepted, and so did he. I therefore proceeded with my intended lesson plan, which focused only on building a character. Let me explain what I've learned from experience and within a couple film classes:
Story
Story
Story
Conflict
Conflict
Conflict
Do you follow? These are the most important aspects to a quality production. One of my teachers, who taught me this, is a producer. In that class, we recently had to pitch our ideas for a feature/short/tv show/etc to the class and she would comment on what to do and what we're doing wrong during the presentation.
I'm not here to tell you, or my class, how to pitch a story, but I am here to say what makes a story worth "buying" (if you, for example, were a producer). No, not really, I'm not going to tell you all about it, but if you want to know these important things I know, magically be in my class or ask me personally.
What I concluded on my own were these three principles:
If there's no story, there's nothing to watch.
If there are no conflicts, there's no story.
If there's no character, there are no conflicts.
By the way, "character" is an adjective here, not a noun. Characters must have character, if that helps.
Therefore, the first lesson I started with in class was to define the character. When you go see a movie, you go to see a character do something. And I'm not talking about movies you go see because of explosions and shiny robots. You watch a movie about someone doing something, right? Right! So as a filmmaker, you focus on the character first. The character defines the conflicts, which defines the story. The progression of the character through the conflicts is what makes the story/the movie worth watching.
This is reading between the lines. This is what I think filmmakers do, or should, think about. That way regular people can enjoy the movie for the sake of entertainment.
Oh! Entertainment! That's point #1. People watch movies to be entertained. Even if you have an amazing character with stellar conflicts and a passionate story, if it's boring as fuck, no one's going to watch it. It sounds like common sense to create something fun and meaningful or dramatic, but the gap between idea and execution is an awfully big one.
And sometimes people just don't care about your topic. You can't please everyone. Basically know/be aware of your audience.
Back to what I taught last Friday. It wasn't so much as teaching, as it was brainstorming. I introduced them to the above ideas and concepts, and from there we started generating characteristics. They raised their hands to submit ideas, then when had a list, we narrowed it down and defined the specific characteristics we agreed on.
Right now, this character doesn't have a name. She is a she. I think that a name represents a character, but does not define the character. I want to have the character defined first, and then choose a name that represents her. That make sense?
But of course, this is the class's project. I set guidelines and say "No murders or the use of guns" and things like that to keep it school appropriate, but I don't define the characters or story. My input is self-limited, meaning I want them to create, and only help out if they need it.
Next week, I plan to address the following characteristics: age, location(s), goals, and conflicts. The antagonist, because I say so, must be an inanimate object of their choosing. They must personify whatever it is. Once that's all discussed, their homework is to come up with names, fitting for the character.
I'm looking forward to the day that we have enough details to tell you what this is about. But until then, I'll try to amuse and educate you with other thoughts and experiences of mine. Later!
ps. I wrote this in the morning but I didn't post it until the night.
I sit where I normally sit at this time of day, every Monday and Wednesday. I have over an hour break between classes and I don't have a car so I can't go home. I get a ride in the morning and take the bus home. My morning class is precalc, four days a week. We've learned three chapters in three weeks, and now, being the fourth, it's about time we had a test. I feel good about this one. Normally I struggle with the pressure of time, but that's usually do to my lack of knowledge on the problem at hand. It's a common problem in previous years of math, but today it went well. After the test, I was unsure about the last question, and when I reviewed my notes, I noticed I missed something, but it was a small part that didn't affect too much of the rest. I accept that, so I'm still proud that I did as well as I did with the rest.
After class I spilled/dropped my coffee thermos. There was some in it but it had a lid on so not much got out. Now there's a coffee stain in front of the new building, so in a good way, I have forever left my mark at this school.
That's certainly not going to ruin my day though. It's warm and getting warmer, and I like that. When I get a chance, I'll take a nap in the sun.
Last week I started a new project, a final project, in my TV/teaching class. But first, a little backstory: Every year in that class, the students are assigned a final video project that they must write, produce, film, and edit individually. That's a key word, because this year, that's what's changing. I pitched the idea to the teacher and he seemed to accept it rather quickly. Not instantaneous, considering he asked the class what they thought of this idea. They accepted, and so did he. I therefore proceeded with my intended lesson plan, which focused only on building a character. Let me explain what I've learned from experience and within a couple film classes:
Story
Story
Story
Conflict
Conflict
Conflict
Do you follow? These are the most important aspects to a quality production. One of my teachers, who taught me this, is a producer. In that class, we recently had to pitch our ideas for a feature/short/tv show/etc to the class and she would comment on what to do and what we're doing wrong during the presentation.
I'm not here to tell you, or my class, how to pitch a story, but I am here to say what makes a story worth "buying" (if you, for example, were a producer). No, not really, I'm not going to tell you all about it, but if you want to know these important things I know, magically be in my class or ask me personally.
What I concluded on my own were these three principles:
If there's no story, there's nothing to watch.
If there are no conflicts, there's no story.
If there's no character, there are no conflicts.
By the way, "character" is an adjective here, not a noun. Characters must have character, if that helps.
Therefore, the first lesson I started with in class was to define the character. When you go see a movie, you go to see a character do something. And I'm not talking about movies you go see because of explosions and shiny robots. You watch a movie about someone doing something, right? Right! So as a filmmaker, you focus on the character first. The character defines the conflicts, which defines the story. The progression of the character through the conflicts is what makes the story/the movie worth watching.
This is reading between the lines. This is what I think filmmakers do, or should, think about. That way regular people can enjoy the movie for the sake of entertainment.
Oh! Entertainment! That's point #1. People watch movies to be entertained. Even if you have an amazing character with stellar conflicts and a passionate story, if it's boring as fuck, no one's going to watch it. It sounds like common sense to create something fun and meaningful or dramatic, but the gap between idea and execution is an awfully big one.
And sometimes people just don't care about your topic. You can't please everyone. Basically know/be aware of your audience.
Back to what I taught last Friday. It wasn't so much as teaching, as it was brainstorming. I introduced them to the above ideas and concepts, and from there we started generating characteristics. They raised their hands to submit ideas, then when had a list, we narrowed it down and defined the specific characteristics we agreed on.
Right now, this character doesn't have a name. She is a she. I think that a name represents a character, but does not define the character. I want to have the character defined first, and then choose a name that represents her. That make sense?
But of course, this is the class's project. I set guidelines and say "No murders or the use of guns" and things like that to keep it school appropriate, but I don't define the characters or story. My input is self-limited, meaning I want them to create, and only help out if they need it.
Next week, I plan to address the following characteristics: age, location(s), goals, and conflicts. The antagonist, because I say so, must be an inanimate object of their choosing. They must personify whatever it is. Once that's all discussed, their homework is to come up with names, fitting for the character.
I'm looking forward to the day that we have enough details to tell you what this is about. But until then, I'll try to amuse and educate you with other thoughts and experiences of mine. Later!
ps. I wrote this in the morning but I didn't post it until the night.
Thoughts on Bullies
I saw this comic recently and had a good laugh.
And I've even thought about this concept many times before. This is the first that I've heard/seen anyone think the same thing.
Now this may start some opinionated differences, but I want to hear them. My opening argument: bullies are good for society.
I was bullied as I kid. I wasn't one of them. And yet, I favor having them. They didn't emotionally scar me or ruin my childhood/life, but they did shape me into a better person. Frankly, the comic does an excellent job of explaining why: weird kids are difficult to socialize with, and bullying was the way of learning to become... normal. You know the phrase, to be a man. Not some loser, not some terribly geeky pimple of society. They conformed and were therefore more beneficial to society.
Fuck, I'm having difficulty writing this because I already have a bunch of arguments against what I just said. So here, I'm on your side too, beginning with: Some bullies are truly nasty people who do in fact ruin lives of little kids through violence and teasing and crude practical jokes and hugely embarrassing moments. I didn't experience that to such a degree, nor have I met anyone confessing this (or maybe they've hidden those feelings and moved on...?) and I'm not going to trust movies on this delicate topic. Right, so I realize that some kids grew up with severe troubles. And yes, I am against the degree that the bullies take. I am not against eliminating bullies. There is a difference between a practical joke to be taken lightly and an intentional fuckin' slaughter of someone's emotional state.
The message that bullies send to weird kids are to stop being so fuckin' weird. Frankly I find it to be that simple, considering that's the message that I picked up as I was a kid. I was bullied, and I cried on some occasions, don't you forget that. I didn't have it easy. Was I in a fight? Not... necessarily. I've been pushed around and I've had my clothes torn and tried to defend myself and, no wait, I tore some guys shirt beecause he was holding on to me. I remember that. He was an asshole and probably still is. Would I do anything about it today? No. The past is the past and I'm not holding grudges.
Anyway, weird antisocial ugly kids need to learn to change themselves. No matter what, no matter WHAT, society, any of it, will, consciously or not, be discriminate towards antisocial ugly people. That's how we've all been raised through the media, and hey, through bullying. NOW I'M NOT SAYING that there is something WRONG with those antisocial ugly people. I'M SAYING society as a whole will have difficulty accepting them, and that they will have a hard time fitting into society. That's why bullying is important in school. School is a mere practice of life, whether or not you agree of its accuracy. Please understand my reasoning, whether or not you agree with it.
Those people can be who and what they already are without having to change. I accept them for who they are for two reasons: I have learned tolerance, and I know from experience that change is difficult for many people. I'm not asking for anyone to change, at least not significant personality traits. Most of that shit, you have to get used to. Deal with it.
I feel as though I'm talking as if I'm both the victim and the bully. But I want to clarify that I'm only stating my opinions regarding the topic, I'm not implying change or pity for either party. Stay with me here.
You know, I think I've made my point. I'm done for now.
And I've even thought about this concept many times before. This is the first that I've heard/seen anyone think the same thing.
Now this may start some opinionated differences, but I want to hear them. My opening argument: bullies are good for society.
I was bullied as I kid. I wasn't one of them. And yet, I favor having them. They didn't emotionally scar me or ruin my childhood/life, but they did shape me into a better person. Frankly, the comic does an excellent job of explaining why: weird kids are difficult to socialize with, and bullying was the way of learning to become... normal. You know the phrase, to be a man. Not some loser, not some terribly geeky pimple of society. They conformed and were therefore more beneficial to society.
Fuck, I'm having difficulty writing this because I already have a bunch of arguments against what I just said. So here, I'm on your side too, beginning with: Some bullies are truly nasty people who do in fact ruin lives of little kids through violence and teasing and crude practical jokes and hugely embarrassing moments. I didn't experience that to such a degree, nor have I met anyone confessing this (or maybe they've hidden those feelings and moved on...?) and I'm not going to trust movies on this delicate topic. Right, so I realize that some kids grew up with severe troubles. And yes, I am against the degree that the bullies take. I am not against eliminating bullies. There is a difference between a practical joke to be taken lightly and an intentional fuckin' slaughter of someone's emotional state.
The message that bullies send to weird kids are to stop being so fuckin' weird. Frankly I find it to be that simple, considering that's the message that I picked up as I was a kid. I was bullied, and I cried on some occasions, don't you forget that. I didn't have it easy. Was I in a fight? Not... necessarily. I've been pushed around and I've had my clothes torn and tried to defend myself and, no wait, I tore some guys shirt beecause he was holding on to me. I remember that. He was an asshole and probably still is. Would I do anything about it today? No. The past is the past and I'm not holding grudges.
Anyway, weird antisocial ugly kids need to learn to change themselves. No matter what, no matter WHAT, society, any of it, will, consciously or not, be discriminate towards antisocial ugly people. That's how we've all been raised through the media, and hey, through bullying. NOW I'M NOT SAYING that there is something WRONG with those antisocial ugly people. I'M SAYING society as a whole will have difficulty accepting them, and that they will have a hard time fitting into society. That's why bullying is important in school. School is a mere practice of life, whether or not you agree of its accuracy. Please understand my reasoning, whether or not you agree with it.
Those people can be who and what they already are without having to change. I accept them for who they are for two reasons: I have learned tolerance, and I know from experience that change is difficult for many people. I'm not asking for anyone to change, at least not significant personality traits. Most of that shit, you have to get used to. Deal with it.
I feel as though I'm talking as if I'm both the victim and the bully. But I want to clarify that I'm only stating my opinions regarding the topic, I'm not implying change or pity for either party. Stay with me here.
You know, I think I've made my point. I'm done for now.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Hit A Car and Made A Doc
Today I accidentally but very slightly rear-ended another car.
Let me start of by saying, it's a fucking BUMPER. Let that thing take hits, that's what it's there for. Now I do understand it best serves its purpose at speeds greater than 5mph, but hey, it's okay if the bumper isn't immaculate.
Having said that, no one was hurt. Like I said, a mere 5mph (estimated). It was slow moving traffic to begin with but I wasn't paying attention when the person stopped in front of me. Yes it's completely my fault, I accept that. It ended up being a small dent in the bumper, caused by my car's license plate. Plus a few scuffs. So we exchanged info and now I'm waiting for an estimate for what she decides to do about having it repaired.
I only have $1500 going towards a car of my own. (I was driving my mom's van, I don't have my own car.) That's not a lot of money in the bank. Plus I barely have an income as it is, whereas left and right, my friends are being given cars by their parents. I don't live in that luxury. But I'm looking at cars around $5000, so I'm not totally reaching for the stars, you know?
I really hope the lady doesn't ask for a completely new bumper and the best installation service. I don't have $2000 to pay for that. :(
It's one small bump and a few white marks on a tan car. I don't think I should be penalized too severely for a small mistake. I'm sorry for the fender bender, I really am.
Luckily, I have good news to report too. I finished a film project that I started two years ago. It is a documentary about schools and education and the system and so on. Teacher, students, counselors, and the principal were interviewed, and all gave very good answers (partly due to my very good questions). I created it because it was meant for my final project of my TV class in senior year, which was two years ago. It's also the same class I teach now. I turned in about 20 minutes because that's what I was capable of editing in one night's time (yay procrastination!). I continued some more afterwards, considering I had a lot of unused footage left; 9 interviews X 1 hour each = 9 hours to be edited. Considering I had to rewatch everything multiple times in order to put the pieces in the right order, you can imagine it took a very long time.
But a whole two years? No, not actually. I stopped after I had a collection of ideas that didn't fit with anything else. So I was like, "Well, I don't know what to do." Poof, no longer a priority. Maybe twice, did I attempt to tackle it again, with little success.
That doesn't mean I forgot about it though. Recently, I said to myself, "Just publish what you have." So I tried, but miraculously I kept editing. Pieces started to fit together and as long as I sat here working on it, it got done.
It has amounted to an hour-long documentary. I fear that most people won't have the patience to sit through it, for several reasons: Short attention spans is the biggest one, and it's not visually entertaining. It's nine people sitting and talking. But they're saying really interesting things! So I guess if you're not interested enough in hearing what these people say, then I don't really find you to be an interesting (more like, a very intelligent) person.
Prove me wrong, watch it. Leave a comment.
But of course, you certainly don't have to watch it, I wouldn't know the difference anyway.
Let me start of by saying, it's a fucking BUMPER. Let that thing take hits, that's what it's there for. Now I do understand it best serves its purpose at speeds greater than 5mph, but hey, it's okay if the bumper isn't immaculate.
Having said that, no one was hurt. Like I said, a mere 5mph (estimated). It was slow moving traffic to begin with but I wasn't paying attention when the person stopped in front of me. Yes it's completely my fault, I accept that. It ended up being a small dent in the bumper, caused by my car's license plate. Plus a few scuffs. So we exchanged info and now I'm waiting for an estimate for what she decides to do about having it repaired.
I only have $1500 going towards a car of my own. (I was driving my mom's van, I don't have my own car.) That's not a lot of money in the bank. Plus I barely have an income as it is, whereas left and right, my friends are being given cars by their parents. I don't live in that luxury. But I'm looking at cars around $5000, so I'm not totally reaching for the stars, you know?
I really hope the lady doesn't ask for a completely new bumper and the best installation service. I don't have $2000 to pay for that. :(
It's one small bump and a few white marks on a tan car. I don't think I should be penalized too severely for a small mistake. I'm sorry for the fender bender, I really am.
Luckily, I have good news to report too. I finished a film project that I started two years ago. It is a documentary about schools and education and the system and so on. Teacher, students, counselors, and the principal were interviewed, and all gave very good answers (partly due to my very good questions). I created it because it was meant for my final project of my TV class in senior year, which was two years ago. It's also the same class I teach now. I turned in about 20 minutes because that's what I was capable of editing in one night's time (yay procrastination!). I continued some more afterwards, considering I had a lot of unused footage left; 9 interviews X 1 hour each = 9 hours to be edited. Considering I had to rewatch everything multiple times in order to put the pieces in the right order, you can imagine it took a very long time.
But a whole two years? No, not actually. I stopped after I had a collection of ideas that didn't fit with anything else. So I was like, "Well, I don't know what to do." Poof, no longer a priority. Maybe twice, did I attempt to tackle it again, with little success.
That doesn't mean I forgot about it though. Recently, I said to myself, "Just publish what you have." So I tried, but miraculously I kept editing. Pieces started to fit together and as long as I sat here working on it, it got done.
It has amounted to an hour-long documentary. I fear that most people won't have the patience to sit through it, for several reasons: Short attention spans is the biggest one, and it's not visually entertaining. It's nine people sitting and talking. But they're saying really interesting things! So I guess if you're not interested enough in hearing what these people say, then I don't really find you to be an interesting (more like, a very intelligent) person.
Prove me wrong, watch it. Leave a comment.
But of course, you certainly don't have to watch it, I wouldn't know the difference anyway.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
More About My Current Life
I've been doing pretty well in my Pre-Calc class. I only have 4 classes this semester because I wanted to dedicated my time to the difficult subject. So far it's worked out. I have a pretty good teacher and the material (we're in Chapter 3, which is new territory) is still manageable, as is the homework.
The second of my work-intensive classes is my "Production Planning" class. I have previously been working on a script for a film I wish to produce, and this class is aimed at helping me (us, the students, with their own projects) actually produce it. I've worked on it for over a year, intensely detailing the characters in it and trying to form a story around them. I haven't worked on it too often, though, which is why it's taken me so long. But overall, this is good news, because I'm glad that I'm working on it again. That type of work is fun, so it isn't really work.
Speaking of work, I still don't have technically a "job," but I do have another source of income. Previously, it was only the dog boarding service (DogVacay.com, I am a host), and now it's also paid-volunteering at "Little League" baseball parks nearby. I was once a part of the program, which is basically kids playing baseball from T-Ball to "Majors." Parents have the option of volunteering in the snack bar during games, or to pay $60 to not volunteer and instead hire a kid like me. So there's like, 10 or so teenagers/young adults that are called in to fill a spot when a parent options out. Since it's on-call, it's not steady income, but it's not no income, and it's relatively easy money. It doesn't take much of my time and the pay is decent for what it is. All of these are good news for me, so I'm a happy camper.
If you're a consistent reader, you'll know I teach, or at least I have shared my thoughts about teaching. But for recap, I voluntarily assistant-teach at my high school in my tv/film class. I teach ideas and skill and assign some homework and projects to further develop these skills. I don't follow what the teacher does for the other 4 days of the week (I teach on the 5th).
The class is required to produce a broadcast; a news program that is supposed to air across all the tv's in school. So, news, events, PSA's, etc. need to be made. I teach skills more geared towards filmmaking, not necessary news production, but I do believe many of the principles apply to both fields. The teacher instructs them to create the broadcast and gives them the tools and skills needed to do so.
The problem is that the kids aren't motivated and organized well enough to do the work. In previous years, students have made broadcasts of a low quality, but at least they made them. This year, this kids have been given so much structure and skills that, to me, seems like a huge burden to perform well. But the fact that they aren't motivated and/or passionate about making something, let alone making something cool, is holding them back.
I have tried several ways to embrace the skills they learn and turn it into a passion; a worthy trade worth showing off. Something they can be proud of. I don't think I've gotten through to them because I haven't spent enough time with them. If they could really see what passion achieves, I think they may become more motivated. Sure there are many more factors, but that's one of the most important aspects.
This past Friday when I taught, I asked the class "What makes a broadcast?" in order to answer the more important question "Why haven't you made a broadcast?" because by now, they should have made several. They reluctantly raised their hands and gave me things to write on the board. They gave me physical things that need doing, and some mental aspirations that they need to have in order to get those things done.
Seeing as how they were struggling with motivation and following the structure, I said to dismiss it. Do what they want. Take a camera with them anywhere, record someone talking, collect a story, and turn it into something we want to watch. It's not hard. Record stuff, and edit together the cool parts. Yes, it would end up being low quality. Yes, it might be boring. Yes, it might not be news-worthy.
But at this point, it's something. It's a start.
The second of my work-intensive classes is my "Production Planning" class. I have previously been working on a script for a film I wish to produce, and this class is aimed at helping me (us, the students, with their own projects) actually produce it. I've worked on it for over a year, intensely detailing the characters in it and trying to form a story around them. I haven't worked on it too often, though, which is why it's taken me so long. But overall, this is good news, because I'm glad that I'm working on it again. That type of work is fun, so it isn't really work.
Speaking of work, I still don't have technically a "job," but I do have another source of income. Previously, it was only the dog boarding service (DogVacay.com, I am a host), and now it's also paid-volunteering at "Little League" baseball parks nearby. I was once a part of the program, which is basically kids playing baseball from T-Ball to "Majors." Parents have the option of volunteering in the snack bar during games, or to pay $60 to not volunteer and instead hire a kid like me. So there's like, 10 or so teenagers/young adults that are called in to fill a spot when a parent options out. Since it's on-call, it's not steady income, but it's not no income, and it's relatively easy money. It doesn't take much of my time and the pay is decent for what it is. All of these are good news for me, so I'm a happy camper.
If you're a consistent reader, you'll know I teach, or at least I have shared my thoughts about teaching. But for recap, I voluntarily assistant-teach at my high school in my tv/film class. I teach ideas and skill and assign some homework and projects to further develop these skills. I don't follow what the teacher does for the other 4 days of the week (I teach on the 5th).
The class is required to produce a broadcast; a news program that is supposed to air across all the tv's in school. So, news, events, PSA's, etc. need to be made. I teach skills more geared towards filmmaking, not necessary news production, but I do believe many of the principles apply to both fields. The teacher instructs them to create the broadcast and gives them the tools and skills needed to do so.
The problem is that the kids aren't motivated and organized well enough to do the work. In previous years, students have made broadcasts of a low quality, but at least they made them. This year, this kids have been given so much structure and skills that, to me, seems like a huge burden to perform well. But the fact that they aren't motivated and/or passionate about making something, let alone making something cool, is holding them back.
I have tried several ways to embrace the skills they learn and turn it into a passion; a worthy trade worth showing off. Something they can be proud of. I don't think I've gotten through to them because I haven't spent enough time with them. If they could really see what passion achieves, I think they may become more motivated. Sure there are many more factors, but that's one of the most important aspects.
This past Friday when I taught, I asked the class "What makes a broadcast?" in order to answer the more important question "Why haven't you made a broadcast?" because by now, they should have made several. They reluctantly raised their hands and gave me things to write on the board. They gave me physical things that need doing, and some mental aspirations that they need to have in order to get those things done.
Seeing as how they were struggling with motivation and following the structure, I said to dismiss it. Do what they want. Take a camera with them anywhere, record someone talking, collect a story, and turn it into something we want to watch. It's not hard. Record stuff, and edit together the cool parts. Yes, it would end up being low quality. Yes, it might be boring. Yes, it might not be news-worthy.
But at this point, it's something. It's a start.
Thoughts on My Current Relationship Status
First of all, I would like to ask my girlfriend, or at least have her ask herself, "What is he getting out of this relationship? Is he happy? Am I someone he wants to be with? Am I trying to make him happy?"
I don't think she's asked herself that. This seriously bothers me, because no, I'm not exactly thrilled, and no, I don't feel like she's making herself someone I can enjoy spending time with. I emotionally hurt her in the past, and I know that, I've gotten better about that and have tried to be more talkative because that's one of the things she asked of me. But I really feel that now, I'm taking care of her and her needs and trying to get her to talk and trying to be careful about what I say to not piss her off again. I think she's real fragile right now so I have to be careful. I want to help her overcome this (what I think is a) phase.
But it's really fucking hard when I don't have something to look forward to. She doesn't show any sign of getting better and making the effort. She describes I gave her a scar that's never going to go away. Alright, I understand the scar is always going to be there. A scar is a reminder of the past. It reminds you that you were once hurt. It's also a message that tells you "I'm not going to do that again because I don't want another scar." And with time, scars fade. Sure it doesn't go away, but it fades like a memory. What do I feel like she thinks this scar is? A disability. She recognizes it as a defect that can't be ignored or overcome, as if she's stuck with it and can't forget about it. She's emotionally hurt, and says, well, that's it, I'm done for.
Oh god, but that's not the least of it. She's still holding on. She still wants to be in this relationship. I do too because I enjoy the physical comfort she brings when we're together. Looking at her and hugging her makes me a very happy guy. And I'm not alone when I say males are more physical when it comes to relationships; just being able to touch her really fuckin' helps. Unfortunately we're rarely together because we go to vastly distant schools. So she relies on phone conversation and at minimum, MINIMUM, an occasional text to let her know that I'm thinking of her. I've improved on that aspect I believe. I do that a little more often than I used to; baby steps. I'm not about to text her every single time she crosses my mind.
What I was trying to say earlier was that she believes our relationship is worth working on. She sees hope in continuing to have her life be a part of mine. And vice versa. So how does she change for the better? She leaves me alone. Which is actually what I asked, because before it felt like she was often... too close. We're 400 miles away but she still wanted to know the details of my day, and I didn't always have time to share that forgotten information with her. So what does she do? Backs off a little but still calls/texts me on her own? Nope. Now we only talk because I initiate the conversation. Fine, not "only," but 90% of the time. There's no middle ground. There's no 50%. She's made it clear that she definitely cannot and will not go back to being "clingy," but she can't, or won't, be what I think is normal. Talk to me when you want, and I'll talk to you when I want. Like normal people. Nope. Not happening.
She used to feel like she was doing all the work in the relationship by trying to talk to me. I felt like she was trying to talk to me too often. Now it feels like I'm doing all the work. Go figure.
So it's hard to want to keep trying with someone who doesn't look like she's make the changes to be a fun-loving, compassionate, energetic girlfriend that I originally fell in love with.
And I don't have any friends I can vent this too. I don't have a couple of friends I can go somewhere with, and then break down when I think about this in such negative ways. I don't have the luxury of sharing my feelings with someone personally. And it's not healthy for me to keep this shit bottled up, so this is the best I got. A mediocre blog post, for people that I don't know, to read. And even if they do know me, no one's about to help me. I recognize that, and I'm not asking for it. I'm only asking for her to realize that I don't enjoy taking care of her like this. I'm not benefiting from this relationship. She's probably not. For as much as she thinks about how she shouldn't talk to me (because she hates feeling like she is bothering me), I would much rather her think about what makes the both of us happy.
I don't think she's asked herself that. This seriously bothers me, because no, I'm not exactly thrilled, and no, I don't feel like she's making herself someone I can enjoy spending time with. I emotionally hurt her in the past, and I know that, I've gotten better about that and have tried to be more talkative because that's one of the things she asked of me. But I really feel that now, I'm taking care of her and her needs and trying to get her to talk and trying to be careful about what I say to not piss her off again. I think she's real fragile right now so I have to be careful. I want to help her overcome this (what I think is a) phase.
But it's really fucking hard when I don't have something to look forward to. She doesn't show any sign of getting better and making the effort. She describes I gave her a scar that's never going to go away. Alright, I understand the scar is always going to be there. A scar is a reminder of the past. It reminds you that you were once hurt. It's also a message that tells you "I'm not going to do that again because I don't want another scar." And with time, scars fade. Sure it doesn't go away, but it fades like a memory. What do I feel like she thinks this scar is? A disability. She recognizes it as a defect that can't be ignored or overcome, as if she's stuck with it and can't forget about it. She's emotionally hurt, and says, well, that's it, I'm done for.
Oh god, but that's not the least of it. She's still holding on. She still wants to be in this relationship. I do too because I enjoy the physical comfort she brings when we're together. Looking at her and hugging her makes me a very happy guy. And I'm not alone when I say males are more physical when it comes to relationships; just being able to touch her really fuckin' helps. Unfortunately we're rarely together because we go to vastly distant schools. So she relies on phone conversation and at minimum, MINIMUM, an occasional text to let her know that I'm thinking of her. I've improved on that aspect I believe. I do that a little more often than I used to; baby steps. I'm not about to text her every single time she crosses my mind.
What I was trying to say earlier was that she believes our relationship is worth working on. She sees hope in continuing to have her life be a part of mine. And vice versa. So how does she change for the better? She leaves me alone. Which is actually what I asked, because before it felt like she was often... too close. We're 400 miles away but she still wanted to know the details of my day, and I didn't always have time to share that forgotten information with her. So what does she do? Backs off a little but still calls/texts me on her own? Nope. Now we only talk because I initiate the conversation. Fine, not "only," but 90% of the time. There's no middle ground. There's no 50%. She's made it clear that she definitely cannot and will not go back to being "clingy," but she can't, or won't, be what I think is normal. Talk to me when you want, and I'll talk to you when I want. Like normal people. Nope. Not happening.
She used to feel like she was doing all the work in the relationship by trying to talk to me. I felt like she was trying to talk to me too often. Now it feels like I'm doing all the work. Go figure.
So it's hard to want to keep trying with someone who doesn't look like she's make the changes to be a fun-loving, compassionate, energetic girlfriend that I originally fell in love with.
And I don't have any friends I can vent this too. I don't have a couple of friends I can go somewhere with, and then break down when I think about this in such negative ways. I don't have the luxury of sharing my feelings with someone personally. And it's not healthy for me to keep this shit bottled up, so this is the best I got. A mediocre blog post, for people that I don't know, to read. And even if they do know me, no one's about to help me. I recognize that, and I'm not asking for it. I'm only asking for her to realize that I don't enjoy taking care of her like this. I'm not benefiting from this relationship. She's probably not. For as much as she thinks about how she shouldn't talk to me (because she hates feeling like she is bothering me), I would much rather her think about what makes the both of us happy.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Thoughts on my Tree House
I have a tree house. I have had it since before I was 8. I don't remember specifically why it was built, but it couldn't be far off from my dad just being a good dad and wanting to build something for/with his son. I really enjoyed it, both the building of and playing in it. An extension cord runs from the garage to the house, giving me a sufficient amount of electricity to house a couple lights and some means of entertainment. I say that, because it's varied between a small old radio to an analog tv, and sometimes powered my mom's laptop as I watched movies at night.
It's a place of seclusion, and if you know anything about me (even just by reading my past posts) you'll know I enjoy being secluded. For some reason, we had a random thin cushion (in terms of width, not thickness), which provided me with a nice place to sleep. It was because of it that I spent the night in there for many summer nights while watching movies and/or playing with Lego, or whatever else. I also had an electricity-sucking heater, so it wasn't terribly cold either.
Jumping to present day, it's now filled with... what looks like junk. A while back, I had an interest in taking apart used electronics. Printers, a fax, really old computers, a stereo box, hard drives, cd/dvd drives... things that my dad had laying around for no reason. I took them and opened them up with no intentions of putting them back together. Then I would cut the circuit boards, drill holes for chains, and put them on a hanger with the intentions of selling the little circuit boards as keychains. I haven't sold any and now my tree house is cluttered with huge boards and wires and plastic housings and other... crap. I can still walk in and walk around and put the mattress down to take a nap, but the nostalgia of being in there for the sake of being alone has left, mostly in part due to my sister moving out. The bedroom we shared is now mine. With my computer and constant heating, the tree house is just sort of... a novelty of my childhood. Take the fact that the wood is starting to rot and the absence of humans has allowed bugs to settle, it isn't the nicest place to be anymore.
It isn't weather sealed either. It does have screens where windows are supposed to be, but screens don't retain heat or keep out water. It's dark in there, considering it's surrounded by trees. It was also never insulated, but for a tree house, I suppose that's asking for too much.
For sentimental reasons, I would like to clean it and restore it to a livable condition, but I don't see that as a priority, especially at my age. I'm in college, and within a year+a few months, I hope to be moving out towards a university. I have school and my odd jobs to take of. I have other projects and hobbies that need my attention.
In regards to the future, a large tree house (likely to require much ground support) is my desired home. You can all aspire to million-dollar Malibu homes or New York lofts, but I want to find the perfect set of trees, sketch up the perfect layout, and build (with help, of course) my dream home above ground. I have books about tree houses. I have a collection of pictures from the internet. The Hemloft is a great example, although I have something bigger in mind to be considered "livable."
If I'm not fortunate enough to see this dream come true, it is my minimum priority to find a home for my family with at least one good tree in the back yard... so that I can build my son or daughter a great escape. Add a rope swing, zip line, rope ladder, lookout tower, catapult, secret doors and cabinets, a cool bridge to a gazebo, multiple levels, a lofty bed, a desk, a deck, a loveseat and a fireplace, big windows with shades... who is this for again?
It's a place of seclusion, and if you know anything about me (even just by reading my past posts) you'll know I enjoy being secluded. For some reason, we had a random thin cushion (in terms of width, not thickness), which provided me with a nice place to sleep. It was because of it that I spent the night in there for many summer nights while watching movies and/or playing with Lego, or whatever else. I also had an electricity-sucking heater, so it wasn't terribly cold either.
Jumping to present day, it's now filled with... what looks like junk. A while back, I had an interest in taking apart used electronics. Printers, a fax, really old computers, a stereo box, hard drives, cd/dvd drives... things that my dad had laying around for no reason. I took them and opened them up with no intentions of putting them back together. Then I would cut the circuit boards, drill holes for chains, and put them on a hanger with the intentions of selling the little circuit boards as keychains. I haven't sold any and now my tree house is cluttered with huge boards and wires and plastic housings and other... crap. I can still walk in and walk around and put the mattress down to take a nap, but the nostalgia of being in there for the sake of being alone has left, mostly in part due to my sister moving out. The bedroom we shared is now mine. With my computer and constant heating, the tree house is just sort of... a novelty of my childhood. Take the fact that the wood is starting to rot and the absence of humans has allowed bugs to settle, it isn't the nicest place to be anymore.
It isn't weather sealed either. It does have screens where windows are supposed to be, but screens don't retain heat or keep out water. It's dark in there, considering it's surrounded by trees. It was also never insulated, but for a tree house, I suppose that's asking for too much.
For sentimental reasons, I would like to clean it and restore it to a livable condition, but I don't see that as a priority, especially at my age. I'm in college, and within a year+a few months, I hope to be moving out towards a university. I have school and my odd jobs to take of. I have other projects and hobbies that need my attention.
In regards to the future, a large tree house (likely to require much ground support) is my desired home. You can all aspire to million-dollar Malibu homes or New York lofts, but I want to find the perfect set of trees, sketch up the perfect layout, and build (with help, of course) my dream home above ground. I have books about tree houses. I have a collection of pictures from the internet. The Hemloft is a great example, although I have something bigger in mind to be considered "livable."
If I'm not fortunate enough to see this dream come true, it is my minimum priority to find a home for my family with at least one good tree in the back yard... so that I can build my son or daughter a great escape. Add a rope swing, zip line, rope ladder, lookout tower, catapult, secret doors and cabinets, a cool bridge to a gazebo, multiple levels, a lofty bed, a desk, a deck, a loveseat and a fireplace, big windows with shades... who is this for again?
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