Friday, June 28, 2013

Summer To-Do List

I don't have a large list, which is sad, but this is what matters to me most:

  • Driving through the Santa Monica Mountains (again, hopefully not alone this time)
  • Camp for a night in the desert, away from city lights
  • Make a pizza with anything on it
  • Continue upgrading my car in various ways (that's a separate list)
  • Finish my summer class (with flying colors!)
  • Teach more people how to drive a manual (4 so far!)
  • Read, draw, write

Like I said, not a long list. But I would like to add to it.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Regression

I think I might be regressing. Maybe not. Maybe in a new direction.

I have, for a long time, enjoyed being a lonely quiet person.


Recently, particularly for the last 2 months or so, I've opened up a little. It is, I admit, due in part to my break-up, but I like to not remember that and consider my slowly-changing personality as a reflection of will-power. I also have a few people to thank for this, one very kind girl in particular. She didn't give me hope, but she did remind me that there is hope. Hope in finding happiness.

I have learned through experiences and advice that relationships (with anyone) and "who you know" is more important than the skills that get you somewhere. Now I'm here reflecting on this, and can't agree more.

Having a solid skill-set is immensely important, but having people to share the skills, or the passion, with is more important. Some experiences are best had alone; I'm definitely one to say how true this statement is. But self-fulfillment is only limited to one very small thing: yourself. One individual can be very fulfilled in a variety of ways and opportunities that all brought forth by oneself.
      But more opportunities are presented after personal relations have set foot. And then the accomplishments can be shared with these affiliations.

This is where the light is dimming again for me. Between now and when the light first got brighter, I can honestly say I am proud and thankful of what has happened in my life (much of which I haven't written about). Just recently, however, I feel okay with narrowing my line of sight and focusing on small tasks at hand, rather than reaching out to other people. I gave it a go; I saw friends I haven't seen for a while many times recently. Yet instead of feeling satisfied with this increased company, I feel out of place, and want to resort to being preoccupied with the nonsense in my mind. This is also to say I'm not looking to move forward in life. I want to nestle in to where I am, and cry about this ridiculous decision I've suddenly decided to make. I don't feel appreciated by the work I've done to help other people, so I prefer the time when I was forgotten.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Thoughts on Deomcracy

Henceforth is an analysis of democracy and instability, which included graphs and data (not included here). I'm not a political person, so this is the most politics you'll see me write.

This may come as a surprise to most people, but an autocracy, let alone a totalitarian regime, isn’t as bad as it sounds. It is the dictators who abuse the power that cause the system to become corrupt and instability to ensue.
     That said, a democracy is also a great idea in theory. But again, it is the governing body that manipulates the system and its people, thus destroying what a democracy is meant to be. The greater the democracy within a society, the less instability there will be. This is the grounds for a successful future as long as politics, as it is today, avoids involvement in the government. If politicians were to respect the definition of democracy as it was best illustrated in classic Athenian times, then this would also be acceptable and beneficial for stability in the state. However, they will not, thus the theory remains just that: a theory.
     In layman’s terms, true democracy brings power to the people. It is also referred to as “direct democracy,” in which all the citizens of the society are solely responsible for the decisions made in government. All citizens vote for the elected officials and vote on the laws to be passed. It follows the consent of the majority. But because of the heavy citizen involvement, it takes much time for results to appear. Details aside, this encourages the preferred “representative democracy.” Citizens still vote for the elected officials, but citizens have less interaction in the choices made by these officials. Citizens vote through, or are represented by, their chosen officials. Especially today, this is preferred because people are less obligated to participate; people are less obligated to follow the complex structure of politics. They trust their representatives to make the informed decisions for them.
     In either case, the concept of democracy remains the same: the people, rather than one or a few leaders, make the decisions for the masses. Democracy promotes equality and freedom of choice throughout the citizens. This leads to a greater peace of mind, knowing each of their votes counted.
     Instability refers to the entropy of a society. It’s inevitable, let’s start there. Instability is a good thing over the long course of time. Why? How on Earth? That’s it, the Earth! Entropy is a fundamental system in nature in which everything breaks down. This leads to new things to replace the old. It’s a cycle. In one word: Change. Instability promotes change.
     This presents a very pleasant scenario. We want change? We want instability.
     What is the problem? Overcoming change. But that is what we humans are best at: solving problems to overcome the “inconveniences” presented in our lives.
     Instability is negatively viewed by those who are the inconvenience to others.
In which case, instability is bad. Whether or not these people are the cause, a breaking-down society is an alarm for two likely actions: run away, or defeat it. Defeat the destruction of your way of life by banding together, or pushing the responsibility to those who can defeat it. And thus, we are presented with direct and represented democracy. I fear as though I made this full-circle argument too early.
     Basically, instability is synonymous with chaos and change. It depends on what side of the equation you’re on for whether “change” is good or bad, and for whom.
     Some countries, which generally aren’t considered democratic countries, don’t lead me to believe that they are also “unstable.” They aren’t as stable, not in the sense we would want them to be (which is to be like us), but I would argue they are stable in different ways. Mainly, people would not admit to a happy lifestyle, but my assumption is that they would not admit to a chaotic lifestyle. Obviously there are exceptions, but upon arriving to any one of those countries, would you find yourself in present social unrest? Panic in the streets? For this analysis, “instability” would have to be revised to a more long-term, slowly active means of social unrest. Instability would have to pertain to a weak economic marketplace, lack of central sanitation and utilities, and a broken curriculum for education. These types of representations for an unstable country aren’t listed here, and would be difficult to measure. I recognize instability in an umbrella term, but this is why we can’t discuss it for these arguments: too broad, there’s not a simple encompassing term. Plus, if I were to broaden this term, I should also broaden what it means to be and have democracy. For the sake of my argument, it’s best to identify the core characteristics in order to keep the instability within this paper to a minimum.
     Democracy is dependent on the involvement of its society’s citizens. If they don’t participate, it might as well be a monarchy or similar. And the same goes for how officials are elected, if at all: if the citizens don’t vote, then it’s not a democracy. Whether or not media has any freedoms has nothing to do with “democracy” itself; it’s a right granted to the people by the government. Freedom of demonstrations, organizations, religion, and protection from terror are important and do deserve recognition as factors of the equation, but they don’t define a democracy. The one that comes closest is freedom of demonstration, but the rest of the group holds it back. Perceived corruption (which will not be counted) least determines whether a society is democratic: indoctrination is the key element here, especially since we’re regarding “perception” as the variable. You can’t quantify that, therefore it’s of the least useful information for a strong argument.
     The most valid measure of instability would be how well the government can support its citizens. When citizens are supported by the governing body, there is/should be stability. Table 8 shows how likely the citizens will protest, and Table 11 shows how threatening the protests will be. But the threat intensity doesn’t reflect the political structure: it reflects the determination and moral ties of the protestors. Therefore it’s not counted. Satisfaction, however, reflects opportunities (which can be controlled by the governing body) and indoctrination (media telling us what we should live up to). It’s mixed.

(...after several graphs and explanations...)

Despite concluding evidence I just assembled, I feel a bit cheated. I don’t think these results are… conclusive enough. I feel as though there are many more variables to affect these results, many more studies that have yet to be or cannot be done, and so little time this has taken to arrive as such a favorable conclusion.
    Please, don’t assume I thought this was easy work. Lots of thought on philosophy and definitions and interpretations went into my beginning arguments for what democracy is, plus a global overlook as to how instability should be evaluated. Then the math, the tedious multiplying and adding of oh so many numbers, several times over when one small mistake is made: this was not a breeze. My dissatisfaction of my results is due in part to how little I was involved in gathering the data. I did not travel to witness the political and economic conditions of these countries, nor did I discuss these findings with the surveyors or the analysts that review this data for a living. I also don’t feel as though what I was given are the choice factors in determining “democracy” or “stability,” and I’ve already expressed my opinions on those previously. They are a good place to start, I don’t deny that, but it’s just too simple. For the purposes of accurate research, this small classroom activity has loads of potential.
    I am satisfied with this being a small project, though. It wasn’t enough to drive me crazy; it just took time, that’s all. Seeing as how it could have taken more, I’m pleased that it didn’t. What was given was enough to provide thought-provoking illustrations as to how these complex systems work. That’s the job of these people: to condense these massive matters into fathomable collections of data that fit nicely on a page (or a hundred, if they incline to produce journals of this stuff). That is what I like most about topics like democracy: it has been discussed for thousands of years, printed into thousands of books and hundreds of websites, and influenced billions of people over the course of our time. The fact that we can gather this understanding and correlate it with yet another complex concept such as instability is a feat unto itself. I find that although it is difficult to quantify, it can be easily understood that democracy, a mutual agreement between people, leads to mutual happiness. Unstable groups of people are unstable simply because they don’t share a mutual bond; they don’t agree with each other. My thinking isn’t based on a thousand years of research, no: at this point, it’s only common sense.

Also, I have decided to move to Canada.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Pride of Ownership

On most other topics, I usually spend some time thinking about what I want to say, and then I type. I type because it's been on my mind, whether it bothers me or it is a message I feel the need to share. In this case, I'm bothered, but I haven't thought it through.

It's about my car.
I have some money saved. There are basically two routes I will take in order to spend it. Of course, the third route would be to not spend it on the car, but shit, who are we kidding. That's not happening.
     The first route is performance upgrades. This means making the car go faster.
     The second is aesthetic upgrades. This means making the car look nicer, like it could go faster (but doesn't).

My mom, being a woman and doesn't understand cars, reasons that the look is more important to attract girls.
Holy shit, if only it were that easy, mom.
     I don't deny this, though. A good-looking, well-kept car would be a liiiiittle more appealing than what I have now. But what I have now isn't bad to begin with. There are noticeable scratches, but not that bad. Personally, I don't like the color. Or the wheels. So if I were to take the second route, I would by what are called "side skirts" and a small spoiler, have the whole car painted a dark metallic grey, buy new rims and tires, and lower the car with coilovers. I may also get new headlights.

My preferred choice is the first one, hence, "first." Save up for a turbo kit and exhaust system and new clutch. Some people have pointed out that the money I would spend on this could also be spent on another car. So I ask, why would I buy a second, equally underpowered car? I only say that because any car $5000 and under is very likely be all stock, just as mine is now.
     I could spend less to achieve the same power upgrades, but I'm not that experienced nor do I know "a guy" that can help with either deals or installation. Therefore, and I guess unfortunately, I will shell out the extra cash for a system I know that works—versus individual, likely used, parts from many different sources.
     If this was a crafts project, I'd look into all my cheapest solutions and pick from every source I can. But no, this is a car. It is an already reliable mechanical object with lots of things that could go wrong. So no, I'm not going to risk modifying my car in ways that haven't been tested because I don't have the prior knowledge to back up what I'm doing. 
     I recognize that I could, I could play with it and "see what happens" but I intend on keeping this car for a long time. And considering the work I have and will put into it, I don't want one mistake to ultimately destroy my investments. That's my justification for spending more money, and I'm comfortable with it. 

Back to the performance versus aesthetics debacle. One day in the distance future, I project I'll have succeeded and achieved both goals. The debacle is, which goals should be pursued first? Making the car go "chochochochochco" or making other people go "Hey, nice car"?
     Being a guy, the first one. POWEERRR in the words of Jeremy Clarkson. MORE POWER in the words in Tim Taylor/Allen. VROOM VROOM in the words of every five-year-old with a toy car in his hand.
     But there are reasons why... believe it or not. I couldn't possibly discuss "why men like cars," but I can share one reason of my own. This is the part in which I finally make the connection to the title.

People like doing things. People like doing things that make them happy. When people create something that made them happy, they feel proud. They take pride in what they accomplished.

Ground breaking stuff, I know. My very easy to understand point is, when I work on my car, which makes me happy, I feel proud of what I accomplish. This even applies to when I break something, because fixing something that's broken also boosts my pride. It's fun. It's not fun for everyone, but it's fun for me, and that's all you need to understand. 
     I am proud to own this machine that I have spent time on improving. I improve it because I enjoy spending time on it. I spend time on it because I want to improve it. This is an endless cycle, guys...

So that's why I want to follow the path of performance upgrades. I will get to work on it plenty, and I'll have greater satisfaction for that one of many reasons. Making the car look nice doesn't really involve much of my time. 

I'm sorry if I spelled this out too simply, but my mom just doesn't seem to get it. She's not in charge of my money, but I just want her to know I'm spending it "wisely." And for all these nights that I can't afford to make the upgrades, I research. Boy, do I try to learn this stuff on my own. All just so I can do it myself and be proud of my accomplishments.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Advice

People have gone about saying "be yourself." To anyone who doesn't understand this concept, fear not: it really is the best advice you could follow. I've struggled with trying to impress others, but don't change yourself to do that. 

Today, I did what I know how to do best: be myself.
And I haven't felt better.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Thoughts on Judgement

Something I need to get off my chest about the general public.

I do support and am in favor of gay marriage, rights, and equality. So on and so forth. Gay people don't bother me, I don't bother them, etc. They don't cause me to be any less of a man. I have no reason to say they can't be happy together. I won't hold a sign or go to a parade, but that's because I won't hold a sign for anything, really...
     The only problem I have, and I think I speak for others, is that in regards to the opposite sex. I can't be absolutely certain that a girl isn't gay. And I fear that she can't be certain that I am not gay. I'm not, but I'm not the most masculine man out there. But just because I share similarities as a gay dude, that doesn't mean I'm gay. In fact, I share similarities with athletes, computer nerds, game designers, car guys, literary scholars, hobos, and vegetables (just wondering if you were reading). I presume gay people also share similar and different characteristics as those types of people as well. But that doesn't make them less gay or me gay at all. It's just commonalities. I could even say, it's just being human.


I think that's what many other people think about gay people. I can't be sure, but it seems reasonable.

I could be totally wrong too. I could be the only one that thinks this. You may think I hate gay people. I don't, but I can't stop you from thinking that. I can't stop you from thinking I'm a total idiot, so go right ahead. I just wanted to share my opinion. You didn't have to read this.


     I basically want to say that I'm not gay, despite some of the things I do. I am comfortable with myself, but I feel like I need to project more masculine qualities. I should, I will. I want to, and will within my lifetime, exert the qualities that define a man; this applies to character, charisma, relationships, charm, attire, fitness, wisdom, and what I personally value the most, respect.