Regression

I think I might be regressing. Maybe not. Maybe in a new direction.

I have, for a long time, enjoyed being a lonely quiet person.

Recently, particularly for the last 2 months or so, I've opened up a little. It is, I admit, due in part to my break-up, but I like to not remember that and consider my slowly-changing personality as a reflection of will-power. I also have a few people to thank for this, one very kind girl in particular. She didn't give me hope, but she did remind me that there is hope. Hope in finding happiness.

I have learned through experiences and advice that relationships (with anyone) and "who you know" is more important than the skills that get you somewhere. Now I'm here reflecting on this, and can't agree more.

Having a solid skill-set is immensely important, but having people to share the skills, or the passion, with is more important. Some experiences are best had alone; I'm definitely one to say how true this statement is. But self-fulfillment is only limited to one very small thing: yourself. One individual can be very fulfilled in a variety of ways and opportunities that all brought forth by oneself.
      But more opportunities are presented after personal relations have set foot. And then the accomplishments can be shared with these affiliations.

This is where the light is dimming again for me. Between now and when the light first got brighter, I can honestly say I am proud and thankful of what has happened in my life (much of which I haven't written about). Just recently, however, I feel okay with narrowing my line of sight and focusing on small tasks at hand, rather than reaching out to other people. I gave it a go; I saw friends I haven't seen for a while many times recently. Yet instead of feeling satisfied with this increased company, I feel out of place, and want to resort to being preoccupied with the nonsense in my mind. This is also to say I'm not looking to move forward in life. I want to nestle in to where I am, and cry about this ridiculous decision I've suddenly decided to make. I don't feel appreciated by the work I've done to help other people, so I prefer the time when I was forgotten.