Best Wishes

Significant aspects of my personality have changed over the recent period of time. You may have noticed the lack of posts I've written. The main change is my conscious decision to share personal feelings and thoughts; I chose to, rather, I don't need to vent anymore. Venting has been fueled by many different reasons, many of which are my way to logically dissect and understand what I'm thinking. Seeing it written forms structure. However recently, the way in which I process my thoughts have been kept, and in many cases solved, in my head. In various ways, I'm proud I am returning to a lifestyle I once had. I am building myself back up to be more self sufficient and contained, rather than needy and dispersed. The type of person I want to become will find his way through, through the mess I'm cleaning up and through the life that lays ahead. It would be against rationale to define my new characteristics; such change, internal and out, requires a "see to believe" mentality. Make that your choice. I'm confident that no one can accurately describe me, as I am, what I do now, and will become. Just keep in mind I'm not changing my appearance (clothes and whatever). Change is slow, do understand. But for what it's worth, thank you for listening. I'll be seeing you perhaps, but I won't return here for some time.

My Recently Finished Artwork

Of all people, she's been right here. Right in my room, quiet, for the past few months. Not judging, not impressed, not disappointed. But slightly intimidating. I'd get to see her when I chose; someone to keep me company, occupied. On the surface, she's only graphite spread across a page (12x18), and she doesn't have a name, and she couldn't possibly hear a word I say, but somehow, she's a part of me. She personifies me.

Unrelated

The most attractive thing you can find in a woman is her personality.
The most attractive thing you can find in a man is his values.

It came from the internet, credit unknown.

Don't Save

Cute. Unfortunately I don't know to whom to credit this.

Physics

I don't know what motivates most teachers to become the authority on a topic, but I know what mine is: to educate for the purpose of sharing my skill sets, expanding the minds of others, developing stronger mental capabilities, spreading culture, and encourage an interest to pursue the topic on their own.
     The last point is, I find, the most important. That's where the true learning happens. Students who hold an interest to learn more than the material that is presented in class are the ones who succeed in the subject. This isn't about grades. This is about understanding and enjoying the material.
    Many teachers fail miserably at this. You remember them as being bad teachers. They did not "reach" you, get through to you to the point that what they wanted to teach was important enough for you to retain.
     Some teachers neither unsucceed nor succeed. They leave a neutral impression in which you understood the material, but didn't develop a passion to learn more. This is acceptable. No one will ever be interested in all topics taught in school.
     But those who leave a sour taste in your mouth, those who slow down the clock, classes that you're dying to get out of, the moment you exit you feel rejuvenated; why? Why do these people want to stand in front of a class of innocent minds?
     In no way do I want to suggest these teachers are bad people. No, not at all. They are simply people who lack the skill to persuade their passion for the subject. They do not encourage me to learn more. They do not even acclaim the material, assuming that because they know it, I will understand it as well as they already do.
     This is infuriating. Just because they recite a PowerPoint, doesn't mean the point has been conveyed. I can read the book on my own. I come to class to learn what isn't in the book. I want then to answer my questions with explanations that differ from textbook and internet material. I want to hear what sophisticated knowledge can be told using language I understand.

Miss physics teacher, you're a nice lady, but you suck at teaching. 

ps - I love when you give the class a problem, give us two minutes to solve, and no one has any idea, let alone an answer, when you ask for one. Makes you look like a fool.

What the fuck, me

I have a burning passion not to do physics homework. It will take a few more hours (hopefully less) to remind myself how bad it felt to not to have turned in the last one.

I just had pancakes that were reheated from last night's dinner at IHOP. They had cinnamon and icing.

I painted some of my plastic interior trim in my car. When the lights to match are purchased, it should look really sharp at night and during the day. Pics when it happens.

This Thursday I will go to the Queen Mary with a party of people that build a haunted house. This guy, the one that said "hey let's go" is the same guy that builds a maze in his own side yard/driveway every year. I've participated in the build for the past two years. So him and a few others are going, and I as a helper, was invited. It's good to help. Yay people.

Every Friday night, I'm told, is a get-together of Miata's in the City of Industry (45-an hour's drive). One of these days, I'll make the trip out there, hoping for the best.

Instagram has been seeing more of me lately, or the other way around; whatever. My username, like most everywhere else on the internet, is Chilezen. Reddit, however, is no contest: I even spoil myself with a few browsing sessions during physics (geez I loathe physics and that teacher). So many subreddits, and somehow, so much time... But anyway pictures, me, things, insta-whatever.

About a week ago I took my bike to the beach to ride. Only two items entered my pocket: license and phone. Apparently, as I found out today, a week later, my license did not come back that night. This means I have been without legal proof of identification, let alone proof to drive, for some time. Luckily, as hard as they may come by, some nice people mailed my ID back. Bless their souls, I shall return a letter of thanks at my soonest convenience.

This weekend my courage was built up all on my own in order to ask for a date from a girl I just met. This was in the city of Brea, where my mom had another one of her street fairs, selling her jewelry. Being a weekend event, I had seen (and only seen) this girl for two days. She sat stationed at another booth, across and not far from where I sat. Looking up from the book not wanting to be read was pleasant every time as I glance to see her chatting away with the girl next to her or customers at her booth. She was attractive; pretty eyes, pretty smile, fit body. My standards are set fairly high for women I am interested in, yet consequently I have a harder time talking the prettier they are. A breakthrough, a much needed one, came when I broke the ice as I strolled by (I had been sitting for hours, man...) to observe the two of them packing up. This was the first of two approaches. I addressed them both, this made talking easier. This was also fishing for initial impressions, yet I already made up my mind about pursuing it further. I had waited at my seat until all was packed, so literally at the last moment, I boldly (yet cautiously, I am/was still shy) said "Before you go, my name is Kevan, you have pretty eyes, and I'd like to ask you out." Her smile grew for the appreciation and her eyes fluttered but the words from her mouth are the only words I will ever remember her say: "Oh, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend! But my name's Jordan, I'm sorry." I didn't know what to say, in fact I don't remember what I said. Frankly I'm not hugely bummed out, because I reminded myself I could do it, even if it took two whole days. For too long have I been kicking myself over lost opportunities and lust for ones I know I will never get back... I tried again, I'm proud of that. Losing this one, yes I'm bummed, she, from what I could tell, looked like a great, nice person; exactly the kind I've always been after. She helped me bounce back up because I really thought she'd be worth the try, and she was. This wouldn't be a story without her, and I wouldn't have the confidence without Helin, a friend who also helped (and still helps) through difficult patches of my life. Several morals now standing, I appreciate having experienced them all.

Reunited and Refreshed

To say "reunited" is a stretch, considering she's been sitting in the driveway for three weeks. But I couldn't drive my Miata because she was having starting issues, and I have school, so I didn't have time to fix it. Over the past weekend she got a temporary fix, will be completed soon.
     What I wanted to say is how much I missed driving her. In the meantime, I'd been driving a bmw E30 to school, which has its own perks, but simply isn't as good or fun as my miata.

     In Southern California, where I live, there is a coastal city called Palos Verdes (Estates, not Rancho). It's almost entirely neighborhoods of small, windy, hilly dark roads (dark being at night). The houses are beautiful, the views are beautiful, and the roads are mostly empty. It's the closest thing I have to a track and a good time, especially on warm nights, like tonight.
     After readjusting myself to the light pedals, I fell in love all over again. How well she handles, the responsive steering, how it's never too much power, the sticky tires... and almost everything is still stock; very forgiving shocks and an acceptably quiet exhaust. Many of the roads are uninterrupted, making for many wonderful mountain cruises. The city itself is about 5 miles in diameter (my estimate from google maps), yet I traveled 54 miles through it. I love exploring there, and I love exploring it in my miata.

I'm just happy, and wanted to briefly share my experience.